Guest post regarding the delights of growing broccoli and the Terry Nutkins butterfly identification scheme.

Hello, I’m not @5olly but @Rusty_Ricker who has kindly been allowed to do a guest blog as I too am a Vegetablist, with varying degrees of success.

All BUTTERFLIES ARE WANKERS

That statement may seem a tad harsh and maybe unexpected as we’ve only just met you and I, but as I gaze out of my window at my broccoli, I can only describe the state that those little winged bastards have left it in. It looks like it’s been fisted by Lisa Riley (who I have it on good authority has hands like shovels).

I’ve never grown the stuff before and didn’t know it was like catnip to every butterfly in a 5 mile radius, hence I didn’t net it or protect it in any fashion save to make a bird scarer from a cane and pieces of carrier bag. I think this may have encouraged the butterflies further.

A carrier bag

The leaves appear holed and brown, some stripped completely in the initial stages. I ventured out and removed around 50-60 caterpillars which I think are Large Cabbage Whites, they now live at the landfill site. Everyday since without fail I pick off 10-15 small cabbage white fuckers, green in colour and hard as hell to spot. These get the good news with a flip flop and left on the patio as a warning to the others.

Future compost

It gets worse though as it seems my only broccoli has started to flower or bolt. I thought this was meant to happen, pretty yellow flowers, but no, this is not a good thing. 

I hate broccoli

I’m currently on 3 weeks holiday, but cannot relax as every time I see one of those winged twats flapping about in the garden I run out, waving my hands trying to repel the little shit and stop it laying it’s eggs on the leaves. They seem wise to this now, no longer laying neat batches of yellow pin heads which are easy to spot and destroy, but now laying individual eggs all over the place. It is only butterflies that are white in colour that lay eggs on the plant.
On a lighter note at the front of my house there is a large oak tree that tries to gain access to my house through my bathroom window at night, on that tree wasps are starting to nest. You may not see the lighter side here, but wait. Red Admirals, who must be related somehow to those white bastards (again unsure, I’m not a vet/Terry Nutkins) have taken to laying eggs and resting an inch from said nest. Just waiting for the wasps to attack and sting them all to hell.

I’m off, just seen another one, but before I go @5olly has given me some fantastic advice to rid me of my butterfly/caterpillar menace:

“…grow broccoli over the winter…”

Gardening is relaxing. Honest.

You can follow @Rusty_Ricker on Twitter